Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper that's the time to do it.
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to Serve as a warning to others.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" - it's always a negative one.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and then nuzzle them gently. (Note: Careful with this one).
The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
The trouble with work is - it's so daily.
Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy. Check 3 friends. If they re OK, you're it.
Pain and suffering are inevitable but misery is optional.
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