When my daughter was about four years old, she still had a hard time grasping the concept of marriage. As her father, I decided I should try to explain by way of showing her our wedding album, thinking visual images would help.
I explained the entire service to her. Once finished, I asked if she had any questions.
She said, "Yes. Is that when Mommy came to work for us?"
A mother took her three year old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice: "Happy Birthday to you..."
After listening restlessly to a long and tedious sermon, a 6 year old boy asked his father what the preacher did the rest of the week.
"Oh, he's a very busy man," the father replied. "He takes care of church business, visits the sick, ministers to the poor and then he has to have time to rest up. Talking in public isn't an easy job, you know."
The boy thought about that, then said, "Well, listening isn't very easy, either."
At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl comes up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children are sitting down around the pastor, the pastor leans over and says to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"
The girl replies almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a BITCH to iron."
I had been teaching my three year old daughter the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after me. One night she said she was ready to solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail. Amen."
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson: "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then asked, "Did God throw him back down?"
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
A mother invited a large group of friends to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why in the Hell did I invite all these people to dinner?"
